ONE NEWS AND POLITICS SHOW ON SUNDAY MORNINGS. ON SUNDAY MORNINGS. WELCOME BACK, EVERYONE. WELCOME BACK, EVERYONE. A HARM TO INDIVIDUALS A HARM TO INDIVIDUALS AND SOCIETY. AND SOCIETY. THAT'S HOW THE SURGEON GENERAL THAT'S HOW THE SURGEON GENERAL IS DESCRIBING WHAT HE CALLS AN IS DESCRIBING WHAT HE CALLS AN EPIDEMIC OF LONELINESS. EPIDEMIC OF LONELINESS. AND ISOLATION. AND ISOLATION. IT'S THAT ISOLATION AND GROWING IT'S THAT ISOLATION AND GROWING FEELING OF SADNESS, RAGE THAT FEELING OF SADNESS, RAGE THAT HAS BEEN COURSING THROUGH PARTS HAS BEEN COURSING THROUGH PARTS OF OUR SOCIETY UNABATED FOR OF OUR SOCIETY UNABATED FOR YEARS NOW. YEARS NOW. AND TONIGHT'S PRIME FOCUS, WE AND TONIGHT'S PRIME FOCUS, WE TAKE YOU TO A GROUP TRYING TAKE YOU TO A GROUP TRYING TO TACKLE THOSE ISSUES HEAD TO TACKLE THOSE ISSUES HEAD ON , GATHERING GROUPS OF MEN IN ON , GATHERING GROUPS OF MEN IN THE CALIFORNIA DESERT IN THE CALIFORNIA DESERT IN THE HOPES OF GIVING THEM THE HOPES OF GIVING THEM THE TOOLS THEY NEED TO CHANNEL THE TOOLS THEY NEED TO CHANNEL THAT EMOTIONAL PAIN FOR THAT EMOTIONAL PAIN FOR THEMSELVES AND OTHERS. THEMSELVES AND OTHERS. >> GROWING UP. >> GROWING UP. WHAT I LEARNED ABOUT WHAT IT WHAT I LEARNED ABOUT WHAT IT MEANS TO BE A MAN WAS REALLY MEANS TO BE A MAN WAS REALLY NEGLECTED. NEGLECTED. MY EMOTIONS AND FEELING SHAME MY EMOTIONS AND FEELING SHAME ABOUT CRYING OR FEELING SHAME ABOUT CRYING OR FEELING SHAME ABOUT HAVING EMOTIONS. ABOUT HAVING EMOTIONS. >> I DIDN'T REALLY FEEL LIKE >> I DIDN'T REALLY FEEL LIKE I COULD TALK TO PEOPLE ABOUT I COULD TALK TO PEOPLE ABOUT THINGS I WAS GOING THROUGH. THINGS I WAS GOING THROUGH. SO IN MANY WAYS I DID FEEL LIKE SO IN MANY WAYS I DID FEEL LIKE EVERY MAN. EVERY MAN. IT'S A GROUP THAT ALLOWS MEN TO IT'S A GROUP THAT ALLOWS MEN TO COME TOGETHER AND GROW SOCIALLY COME TOGETHER AND GROW SOCIALLY AND EMOTIONALLY. AND EMOTIONALLY. IT ALL STARTS WITH YOUR ABILITY IT ALL STARTS WITH YOUR ABILITY TO SIT IN YOUR EXPERIENCE TO SIT IN YOUR EXPERIENCE AND BE IN THAT DISCOMFORT AND BE IN THAT DISCOMFORT AND LEAN INTO IT. AND LEAN INTO IT. THIS RETREAT IS LIKE AN THIS RETREAT IS LIKE AN OPPORTUNITY LETTING MYSELF OPPORTUNITY LETTING MYSELF RECEIVE HELP, EVEN THOUGH I CAN RECEIVE HELP, EVEN THOUGH I CAN FEEL COMFORTABLE. FEEL COMFORTABLE. THIS IS WHAT WE'RE DOING, THIS IS WHAT WE'RE DOING, PARTICULARLY TODAY. PARTICULARLY TODAY. YOU GUYS ARE GOING TO GO OUT YOU GUYS ARE GOING TO GO OUT AS A TRIAD AND DO THIS THIS TIME. IT'S LIKE I BETRAYED MYSELF ALL IT'S LIKE I BETRAYED MYSELF ALL THE TIME. THE TIME. LITERALLY, WHAT I LIKE TO DO LITERALLY, WHAT I LIKE TO DO IS NUMB MYSELF OUT WITHOUT EVEN IS NUMB MYSELF OUT WITHOUT EVEN KNOWING. KNOWING. JUST HAPPENS JUST SO QUICK AS A JUST HAPPENS JUST SO QUICK AS A MAN IN MY LIVING, MY LIFE, MAN IN MY LIVING, MY LIFE, I RECOGNIZED REPETITIOUS I RECOGNIZED REPETITIOUS PATTERNS IN MY LIFE. PATTERNS IN MY LIFE. >> THE NUMBNESS GIVES ME >> THE NUMBNESS GIVES ME A PLACE OF SAFETY SO THAT IF A PLACE OF SAFETY SO THAT IF I NEED TO , I CAN PROTECT ME I NEED TO , I CAN PROTECT ME FROM THESE PATTERNS. FROM THESE PATTERNS. COST ME MY FIRST MARRIAGE COST ME MY FIRST MARRIAGE AND MY SECOND MARRIAGE AND MY SECOND MARRIAGE IS NEARLY DONE BECAUSE OF IT. IS NEARLY DONE BECAUSE OF IT. AND I JUST WANTED TO LEARN AND I JUST WANTED TO LEARN HOW TO CONNECT WITH MYSELF HOW TO CONNECT WITH MYSELF BETTER. BETTER. >> JUST LET YOUR BODY BE IN >> JUST LET YOUR BODY BE IN THAT LITTLE SPACE . THAT LITTLE SPACE . YES, THAT VULNERABLE SPACE OF YES, THAT VULNERABLE SPACE OF A LITTLE BOY. A LITTLE BOY. >> WHEN YOU HEAR ABOUT >> WHEN YOU HEAR ABOUT SOMETHING LIKE THIS, AT LEAST SOMETHING LIKE THIS, AT LEAST FOR ME, I WAS EXTREMELY FOR ME, I WAS EXTREMELY SKEPTICAL. SKEPTICAL. AND THEN WHEN I STARTED AND THEN WHEN I STARTED TO RECOGNIZE HOW MANY MEN HAD TO RECOGNIZE HOW MANY MEN HAD SIMILAR PROBLEMS, IT WAS ALMOST SIMILAR PROBLEMS, IT WAS ALMOST LIKE WE'RE RUNNING AROUND LIKE LIKE WE'RE RUNNING AROUND LIKE CHICKENS WITH OUR HEADS CUT CHICKENS WITH OUR HEADS CUT OFF, TRYING TO FIGURE OUT OFF, TRYING TO FIGURE OUT HOW TO BE LIKE CONNECTED, HOW TO BE LIKE CONNECTED, LOVING PEOPLE. LOVING PEOPLE. >> YOU'RE SAFE. >> YOU'RE SAFE. YOU FEEL THAT THERE'S A LOT OF YOU FEEL THAT THERE'S A LOT OF GREAT GUYS OUT THERE THAT GREAT GUYS OUT THERE THAT I WISH I COULD BE FRIENDS I WISH I COULD BE FRIENDS WITH . WITH . BUT WHAT HAPPENS IS WITH TIME BUT WHAT HAPPENS IS WITH TIME I'VE I SEVER IT BECAUSE I'VE I'VE I SEVER IT BECAUSE I'VE BECOME TOO UNCOMFORTABLE BECOME TOO UNCOMFORTABLE WITH THE CONNECTION. WITH THE CONNECTION. >> IN PARTICULAR, MY SECOND >> IN PARTICULAR, MY SECOND WEDDING, MY BEST MAN. WEDDING, MY BEST MAN. I STILL REALLY LOVE HIM. I STILL REALLY LOVE HIM. LIKE, THAT'S A FRIEND. LIKE, THAT'S A FRIEND. >> I'VE DONE THINGS THAT >> I'VE DONE THINGS THAT CREATED THAT SEPARATION AND OUR CREATED THAT SEPARATION AND OUR RELATIONSHIP, FEELING A FEELING RELATIONSHIP, FEELING A FEELING OF SHAME AND DISCONNECT. OF SHAME AND DISCONNECT. WANT TO PICK UP THE PHONE WANT TO PICK UP THE PHONE AND THEN AS SOON AS I DO, THOSE AND THEN AS SOON AS I DO, THOSE FEELINGS COME BACK . FEELINGS COME BACK . I DON'T KNOW HOW TO PROCESS I DON'T KNOW HOW TO PROCESS THE BIGGEST THING THAT I WANT THE BIGGEST THING THAT I WANT TO TAKE OUT OF THIS WEEKEND TO TAKE OUT OF THIS WEEKEND IS EXPERIENCING INTENSE IS EXPERIENCING INTENSE EMOTIONS BOTH INSIDE OF MYSELF EMOTIONS BOTH INSIDE OF MYSELF . . YOU CAN FEEL MORE WHAT YOU FEEL YOU CAN FEEL MORE WHAT YOU FEEL A KID, HOW YOU'RE ALONE WHEN A KID, HOW YOU'RE ALONE WHEN YOUR DAD'S NOT THERE FOR YOU . YOUR DAD'S NOT THERE FOR YOU . >> YOU KNOW WHAT'S THERE FOR >> YOU KNOW WHAT'S THERE FOR THAT STREAMING NEWS. THAT STREAMING NEWS. YEAH, FEEL THAT. YEAH, FEEL THAT. FEEL THAT PART OF YOU . FEEL THAT PART OF YOU . I WAS ASKING WHAT IT FEELS LIKE I WAS ASKING WHAT IT FEELS LIKE TO HAVE BEEN BEHIND. TO HAVE BEEN BEHIND. IT'S BEEN DONE ALONE. IT'S BEEN DONE ALONE. LOOKING AT THESE, HE IF LOOKING AT THESE, HE IF YOU EVER HAD NEVER HAD SUPPORT YOU EVER HAD NEVER HAD SUPPORT IS ALWAYS YOU FINDING THE WAY IS ALWAYS YOU FINDING THE WAY TO GET THE WORLD'S. TO GET THE WORLD'S. YES. YES. TO FEEL HOW I FEEL. TO FEEL HOW I FEEL. AISHA WAHAB BE SAD. AISHA WAHAB BE SAD. >> YEAH. >> YEAH. THE FIRST TIME SOMEONE TOLD ME THE FIRST TIME SOMEONE TOLD ME ABOUT ANYTHING LIKE THIS, ABOUT ANYTHING LIKE THIS, I SAID, I'M NOT DOING THIS. I SAID, I'M NOT DOING THIS. THIS IS WEIRD, THIS WEIRD THIS IS WEIRD, THIS WEIRD STUFF. STUFF. THIS IS NEW AGE. THIS IS NEW AGE. THIS IS THIS. THIS IS THIS. SOME CALLED I UNDERSTAND THAT. SOME CALLED I UNDERSTAND THAT. I THINK IT'S HUMAN BEINGS, I THINK IT'S HUMAN BEINGS, PARTICULARLY IN THIS CULTURE, PARTICULARLY IN THIS CULTURE, MAYBE MORE IN AMERICA THAN ANY MAYBE MORE IN AMERICA THAN ANY OTHER PLACE. OTHER PLACE. AND CERTAINLY WITH MEN, WE GROW AND CERTAINLY WITH MEN, WE GROW UP AND WE'RE TRAINED NOT UP AND WE'RE TRAINED NOT TO FEEL AND NOT TO EXPRESS TO FEEL AND NOT TO EXPRESS OUR EMOTIONS. OUR EMOTIONS. >> YOU FEEL THAT NOT DESIRES >> YOU FEEL THAT NOT DESIRES YOU . YOU . >> SHE ONLY CARES ABOUT THERE'S >> SHE ONLY CARES ABOUT THERE'S AN EMOTIONAL PANDEMIC OF AN EMOTIONAL PANDEMIC OF MEGAN HUGHES GIVING UP MEGAN HUGHES GIVING UP AND BEING LONELY. AND BEING LONELY. WE GET MORE AND MORE REFERRALS WE GET MORE AND MORE REFERRALS FROM THERAPISTS, MANA HUNGRY FROM THERAPISTS, MANA HUNGRY FOR REAL FRIENDS, BUT FOR REAL FRIENDS, BUT THEY DON'T KNOW WHERE TO GO THEY DON'T KNOW WHERE TO GO TO GET THEM. TO GET THEM. >> THEY DON'T KNOW HOW TO >> THEY DON'T KNOW HOW TO GET THEM THINGS GOING. GET THEM THINGS GOING. ONE OF THE THINGS THAT THESE ONE OF THE THINGS THAT THESE MEN GET TO DO AT THESE RETREATS MEN GET TO DO AT THESE RETREATS IS THEY GET TO BE IN AN IS THEY GET TO BE IN AN EMOTIONALLY SAFE SPACE EMOTIONALLY SAFE SPACE WITH OTHER MEN AND WHATEVER WAY WITH OTHER MEN AND WHATEVER WAY THEY WANT TO ALLOW THEMSELVES THEY WANT TO ALLOW THEMSELVES TO FEEL WHAT THEY'VE NEVER FELT TO FEEL WHAT THEY'VE NEVER FELT BEFORE. BEFORE. >> RIGHT NOW, YOU GUYS, SO MUCH SPORADIC TO DEPEND ON ABC NEWS . . I WAS FEELING A LOT OF EMOTION I WAS FEELING A LOT OF EMOTION IN MY THROAT AND IN MY HEART. IT WAS FEELING NEGLECTED EMOTIONALLY, JUST FEELING EMOTIONALLY, JUST FEELING REALLY ALONE. REALLY ALONE. AND THERE WAS JUST A FEELING OF AND THERE WAS JUST A FEELING OF FEELING BROKEN, FEELING NOT FEELING BROKEN, FEELING NOT ENOUGH, FEELING UNWORTHY OF ENOUGH, FEELING UNWORTHY OF LOVE. LOVE. >> STOP. >> STOP. >> OH, YEAH. >> OH, YEAH. >> BUT GOOD STUFF. >> BUT GOOD STUFF. >> NEVER FULLY LET MYSELF >> NEVER FULLY LET MYSELF GO AND OF OTHERS BEING ABLE GO AND OF OTHERS BEING ABLE TO BE HELD BY A GROUP OF TO BE HELD BY A GROUP OF MEN AND HAVE IT RESONATE FOR MEN AND HAVE IT RESONATE FOR THEM AS WELL. THEM AS WELL. THAT FELT REALLY, REALLY THAT FELT REALLY, REALLY POWERFUL. POWERFUL. >> YOU CAN ONLY MEET SOMEONE AS DEEP AS YOU'RE WILLING TO GO YOURSELF. YOURSELF. WHAT DO YOU WANT TO LET GO AND WHAT DO YOU WANT TO LET GO AND WHAT DO YOU WANT TO LEAVE HERE WHAT DO YOU WANT TO LEAVE HERE THIS FAR ? THIS FAR ? HERE AT THIS RETREAT THAT HERE AT THIS RETREAT THAT YOU'RE DONE WITH WILL PICK UP YOU'RE DONE WITH WILL PICK UP BUDDY. BUDDY. YEAH, HAVING PEOPLE THAT ARE YEAH, HAVING PEOPLE THAT ARE FACING THEIR OWN STUFF, IT FACING THEIR OWN STUFF, IT CREATES A SAFETY TO BE ABLE CREATES A SAFETY TO BE ABLE TO SHARE ON THAT TOGETHER. TO SHARE ON THAT TOGETHER. >> I DEFINITELY FEEL >> I DEFINITELY FEEL SUPER IMPACTED BY THIS WORK. SUPER IMPACTED BY THIS WORK. >> THAT'S THAT'S AWESOME. >> THAT'S THAT'S AWESOME. I'D LOVE TO EXPAND I'D LOVE TO EXPAND CHUCK SIVERTSEN 30%. CHUCK SIVERTSEN 30%. WE CAN DO IT NOW FOR THE THESE WE CAN DO IT NOW FOR THE THESE YEARS, I'VE ALWAYS THOUGHT OF YEARS, I'VE ALWAYS THOUGHT OF MYSELF AS A AND A ZERO AND THE MYSELF AS A AND A ZERO AND THE FUN MAKER AND YEAH, I MEAN, FUN MAKER AND YEAH, I MEAN, I JUST I GUESS I'M JUST I JUST I GUESS I'M JUST COMFORTABLE WITH BEING BINO COMFORTABLE WITH BEING BINO AND DOING THINGS THAT AND DOING THINGS THAT RACHEL SCOTT WANT TO TRY. RACHEL SCOTT WANT TO TRY. HE WANTS TO SAY, I'M SORRY, HE WANTS TO SAY, I'M SORRY, I'M DOING MY BEST, BUT I JUST I'M DOING MY BEST, BUT I JUST WANT TO GAIN A LITTLE AND IT'S WANT TO GAIN A LITTLE AND IT'S OKAY IF IT'S YOU . YOU KNOW, I WISH MORE THAN ANYTHING I WISH I COULD. ANYTHING I WISH I COULD. I WISH I COULD MEET AND PLAY I WISH I COULD MEET AND PLAY WITH THAT YOUNGER JACKIE IBANEZ WITH THAT YOUNGER JACKIE IBANEZ . . BUT THIS IS THE SEED. BUT THIS IS THE SEED. >> THAT'S GOOD NEWS. >> THAT'S GOOD NEWS. IT'S ALL THINGS THAT I GOT EVEN IT'S ALL THINGS THAT I GOT EVEN MORE THAN I EXPECTED THAT WAS MORE THAN I EXPECTED THAT WAS REALLY ABLE TO GO DEEPER THAN REALLY ABLE TO GO DEEPER THAN I COULD HAVE GONE ON MY OWN. I COULD HAVE GONE ON MY OWN. JUST RELEASED A TON OF EMOTION JUST RELEASED A TON OF EMOTION . . I FEEL CLOSER TO SOME OF THESE I FEEL CLOSER TO SOME OF THESE PEOPLE THAN I DO WITH PEOPLE PEOPLE THAN I DO WITH PEOPLE THAT I'VE KNOWN FOR DECADES. THAT I'VE KNOWN FOR DECADES. SO WE DON'T HAVE TO DO