♪ WE FELL IN LOVE ♪ >>> NOW TO DATING TALK. THE HASHTAG THAT HAS USERS LOGGING ON TO LAMENT ABOUT THEIR LOVE LIFE AND DATING DISASTERS. BELA GANDHI JOINS US TO TALK ABOUT THE BENEFITS OF SHARING AND HER SECRETS TO FINDING A BETTER MATCH. BELA, THOSE POSTS -- >> HI, I'M SO HAPPY. >> THOSE POSTS CAN BE ENTERTAINING AND EVEN COMMUNITY BUILDING, BUT LET'S GET YOUR PROFESSIONAL OPINION. ARE THESE WOMEN SMART TO SHARE? >> I'M NOT SURE I WOULD SAY SMART, PER SE, BUT I UNDERSTAND WHY THEY'RE DOING IT. WHEN YOU WANT TO SHARE SOMETHING THAT'S SAD, LIKE YOU'VE BEEN GHOSTED OR BROKEN UP WITH, GOING TO SOCIAL MEDIA, POSTING A VIDEO AND THEN WATCHING PEOPLE LIKE, COMMENT, TALK TO YOU, IT PRESSES THE LITTLE DOPAMINE LEVER IN OUR HEAD, RIGHT? IT GIVES US THAT HAPPINESS BOOST. IT MAKES US FEEL MORE SUPPORTED, LESS LONELY AND, LIKE, WE HAVE COMMUNITY. >> AND, BELA, FOR THESE POTENTIAL PARTNERS, FOR EXAMPLE, WHO ARE EVEN SEEING THESE POSTS, IT'S PROBABLY A GOOD IDEA AND A GOOD WAY TO BE BETTER AND DO BETTER, RIGHT? >> YOU WOULD THINK, GIO, RIGHT. IF GUYS WERE WATCHING THESE VIDEOS, TO GET EDUCATED ON, HMM, WHAT ARE WOMEN ACTUALLY LOOKING FOR AND WHAT SHOULDN'T I DO AND HOW DO THEY WANT TO BE TREATED, I GUESS THAT'S A GREAT THING. HOWEVER, IF YOU BECOME KIND OF A DATING TOK INFLUENCER AND LOTS OF PEOPLE ARE FOLLOWING YOU AND THE GUYS YOU'RE DATING ARE LOOKING AT YOU AND KNOW YOU'RE THAT TIKTOKER, THEY MIGHT BE WONDERING, HMM, IS THIS AN AUTHENTIC DATE, OR AM I CONTENT AT THIS POINT? >> YEAH, SO IT'S KIND OF LIKE DATING FOR ALL THE WRONG REASONS IN THAT SITUATION. ALL RIGHT, SO, IF SOMEONE FINDS THEMSELVES HAVING A SERIES OF BAD DATES OR BAD RELATIONSHIPS, WHAT'S THE FIRST STEP IN FIXING THAT? >> THE FIRST STEP IN MOST BIG THINGS, RIGHT, IT'S LIKE TURN THE MIRROR BACK TO YOURSELF. HAVE A LITTLE BIT OF SELF-AWARENESS, WHICH CAN BE HARD, AND THE FIRST STEP IS REALLY SAYING, YOU KNOW WHAT, I ADMIT MY RELATIONSHIP PICKER IS BROKEN, RIGHT? THIS IS OFTEN THE HARDEST THING TO DO BECAUSE WHAT DO WE ALWAYS SAY, I ATTRACT BAD PEOPLE. I ATTRACT CRAZY PEOPLE. THE REAL POINT IS, I'M ACCEPTING ALL OF THAT. NOBODY CAN DATE YOU WITHOUT YOUR CONSENT, RIGHT? SO, IF YOU'RE CONTINUOUSLY CHOOSING EMOTIONALLY AVOIDANT PEOPLE IT COULD BE ATTACHMENT STUFF AND DYSFUNCTIONAL RELATIONSHIP PATTERNS THAT YOU DEVELOPED AS A YOUNG ADULT. YOU GOT TO FIRST SAY THE PROBLEM IS ON MY SIDE OF THE STREET METAPHORICALLY. IT'S NOT MY NEIGHBOR'S SIDE. IT'S MY SIDE. >> YOU HAD TO DIG IN THROUGH YOUR OWN DIRTY LAUNDRY TORE THAT. >> BELA, OUR NEXT QUESTION COMES FROM A VIEWER IN MIAMI. CHECK THIS ONE OUT. >> ARE THERE ANY SIGNS WHEN CHATTING WITH SOMEONE ON AN APP THAT THINGS WILL OR WON'T WORK OUT ON A DATE? >> HMM. WHAT DO YOU THINK? >> THAT'S A REALLY GOOD QUESTION. THAT'S THE MILLION-DOLLAR QUESTION, RIGHT? THE SIGNS TO LOOK FOR, IF SOMEONE IS CHATTING, THEY SEEM NORMAL AND NICE, REMEMBER I ALWAYS SAY, CRAZY CANNOT HIDE FOR MORE THAN TEN MINUTES, OKAY? SO KEEP THAT IN MIND, OKAY? SO SOMEONE WHO IS MOVING THINGS ALONG, DOESN'T JUST WANT TO BE A PEN PAL, BUT THEY'RE MOVING IT ALONG AT A GOOD PACE, RIGHT? DATING IS LIKE UNCORKING A GOOD BOTTLE OF WINE. YOU WANT TO LET IT BREATHE, AND YOU WANT TO SIP IT SLOWLY. SOMEONE WHO IS NOT TOO FAST AND FURIOUS, OKAY. NOW, AS YOU PROGRESS AND MAYBE YOU'RE DATING THIS PERSON FOR SEVERAL WEEKS, A PERSON THAT REALLY LIKES YOU IS NOT GOING TO KEEP YOU GUESSING. YOU'RE NOT GOING TO HAVE TO WONDER DO THEY LIKE ME OR DON'T, BECAUSE IT'S EASY. NOW, ON THE FLIP SIDE, IF THAT PERSON HAS BEEN CONSISTENT, RELIABLE, AMAZING OVER SEVERAL WEEKS AND SUDDENLY THEIR BEHAVIOR CHANGES, THEY'RE LIKE, OOH, I'M WORKING ON A BIG DEAL AT WORK, I'M TOO BUSY, YOU DON'T HEAR FROM THEM AS MUCH. THEY DON'T TEXT YOU, THEY DON'T CALL YOU, THAT IS A CLEAR SIGN THAT SOMEBODY'S BEHAVIOR AND THEIR FEELINGS TOWARDS YOU HAVE CHANGED. NOBODY IS EVER, EVER, EVER TOO BUSY TO CALL YOU BACK OR TO TEXT YOU BACK IF THEY WANT TO. >> YEP, YEP, WON'T KEEP YOU GUESSING, KEEP IT EASY. OKAY, SO, HOW DO YOU TELL THE DIFFERENCE, BELA, BETWEEN SOMETHING THAT'S REAL AND WHAT YOU CALL A LOVE BOMBER, WHAT'S THAT? >> LOVE BOMBING IS ALL THE TOPIC AND ALL THE RAGE. LOVE BOMBING IS SOMEBODY WHO LITERALLY WANTS TO COME IN AND LIKE KNOCK YOU OFF YOUR FEET WITH GOOD STUFF SO THEY CAN HAVE THEIR WAY WITH YOU. LOTS OF GRANDIOSE WORDS, GESTURES, FUTURE PROMISES, NOW, TO REALLY ASCERTAIN IF SOMEBODY IS A GOOD FIT FOR YOU OR A LOVE BOMBER, WHAT YOU HAVE TO DO IS ASK THE QUESTION AND JUST SAY, I WANT TO SLOW THINGS DOWN A LITTLE BIT, RIGHT? I LOVE WHERE THIS IS GOING, BUT I'VE MADE MISTAKES IN THE PAST. CAN WE JUST TAKE THIS SLOW? A LOVE BOMBER IS GOING TO PROBABLY FLIP OUT, WHAT? YOU DON'T WANT TO DATE THIS? I'M MOVING TOO FAST FOR YOU? AND THEY'LL FLIP. BUT SOMEBODY WHO IS REALLY INTO YOU WILL SAY, YOU KNOW WHAT, I'M GOOD WITH THAT. WE CAN KEEP THINGS SLOW, RIGHT? AND NEVER IGNORE RED FLAGS WHEN YOU'RE DATING. TRUST YOUR GUT, AND TRUST YOUR INTUITION, IT'S USUALLY ALWAYS RIGHT, UNLESS YOU HAVE A BROKEN PICKER. THEN YOU NEED TO ENLIST THE HELP OF SOMEBODY REALLY SPECIFICALLY LIKE A GOOD COACH TO HELP YOU WORK THROUGH THOSE PATTERNS. THAT IS WHAT I DO EVERY SINGLE DAY AT SMART DATING ACADEMY. >> A WHOLE NEW VOCABULARY. THE BROKEN PICKER, LOVE BOMBER. TAKING US TO SCHOOL, BELA. >> WE APPRECIATE IT, AND THERE'S HOPE OUT THERE. KEEP SWIPING, RIGHT? RIGHT? >> KEEP SWIPING.