TUESDAY, JANUARY 24th. WHIT. >> ALL RIGHT, STEPHANIE, THANK YOU. >>> NOW TO THE GREAT SLEEPOVER DEBATE. THE CHILDHOOD RITE OF PASSAGE FOR MANY HAS GOTTEN QUITE COMPLICATED THESE DAYS WITH MILLIONS OF PARENTS POSTING ON TIKTOK UNDER THE #NOSLEEPOVER. IT'S A STORY WE FIRST SAW IN "THE WASHINGTON POST" AND JOINING US ARE PARENTING EXPERTS ERICKA SOUTER AND RACHEL SIMMONS. GREAT TO HAVE YOU BOTH. SO, RACHEL, LET'S START WITH YOU. 5 IS IT THAT IS RENEWING THIS DEBATE NOW AND WHERE DO YOU STAND? >> WELL, WHIT, MANY PARENTS ARE ASKING IF IT'S EVEN SAFE TO SEND OUR KIDS TO ANOTHER PERSON'S HOUSE AND I THINK PART OF WHAT'S HAPPENING IS THEY'RE WORRIED ABOUT COVID FEARS, GUNS IN THE HOUSE, EVEN A LOT OF SCREEN TIME AND AS A PARENT, I THINK THESE SLEEPOVERS ARE SUCH GOOD OPPORTUNITIES FOR KIDS TO PRACTICE BEING RESILIENT AND INDEPENDENT WHEN THEY'RE AWAY FROM US, THEY GET TO MAKE DECISIONS ON THEIR OWN AND THAT'S A CRITICAL BUILDING BLOCK EXPERIENCE FOR STUFF THEY'LL DO LATER LIKE GO ON A FIELD TRIP OR GO TO SUMMER CAMP OR EVEN TO COLLEGE SO SAFETY MATTERS BUT SO DO EARLY LEARNING EXPERIENCE. >> ALL IMPORTANT POINTS. LET'S BRING IN ERICKA SOUTER HERE. WE WERE TALKING ABOUT THIS BEFORE BECAUSE I HAVE YOUNG KIDS, THE SLEEPOVER DEBATE IS HAPPENING AND YOU AND YOUR HUSBAND DISAGREED ON THIS AT FIRST. HOW DID YOU FIND COMPROMISE GENTLEMAN. >> WE WERE A HOUSE DIVIDED. HE HATED THE IDEA. I THOUGHT IT WAS AN ESSENTIAL PART OF PARENTHOOD BUT I UNDERSTOOD THE FEARS. WILL THERE BE BULLYING, WHO ELSE WILL BE IN AND OUT OF THE HOUSE? SO IT'S IMPORTANT TO LISTEN TO YOUR PARTNER OR CO-PARENT AND UNDERSTAND WHERE THOSE FEARS ARE COMING FROM. AND IT SCHOOL BE ROOTED IN A BAD CHILDHOOD EXPERIENCE AND ONCE YOU HAVE THAT CONVERSATION AND KIND OF HASH OUT WHY EACH OF YOU FEELS THE WAY YOU FEEL COME UP WITH A COMPROMISE OR SET OF RULES THAT WORK FOR YOUR FAMILY. FOR US, IT WAS AGE 13. WE THOUGHT LEX WOULD BE -- HE COULD ADD VOGT FOR HIMSELF. HE UNDERSTOOD DIFFERENT BEHAVIORS A LITTLE BETTER AND WAS CONFIDENT ENOUGH TO CALL US IF HE FELT UNSAFE OR UNCOMFORTABLE. AND THEN CONSIDER THE ALTERNATE. YOU PICK UP YOUR CHILD AT 11:30 P.M. OR P.M. THEY DON'T GET THE WHOLE EXPERIENCE BUT GET SOME OF THE FUN. THE POINT OF ALL THIS IS TO MAKE SURE EVERYONE FEELS SAFE ENOUGH TO EXPRESS THEIR FEARS AND CONCERNS. >> SO YOU SAID AGE 13. WE WERE SAYING, MY WIFE AND AGREED ON AGE 10 BUT FOR EVERY FAMILY AND EVERY KID IT JUST DEPENDS HOW COMFORTABLE YOU ARE IN YOUR COMMUNITY. >> IT IS AND WHAT RULES YOU WANT TO ATTACH TO BEING ABLE TO GO TO A SLEEPOVER. >> I WANT TO ASK A FOLLOW-UP QUESTION. ESPECIALLY ONLINE WE'VE SEEN A LOT OF PARENTS EXPRESSING CONCERNS ABOUT CULTURAL DIFFERENCES AND HOW THAT CAN FACTOR INTO ALL OF THIS. HOW DO YOU TAKE THAT INTO CONSIDERATION AS A PARENT? >> I DON'T THINK THAT YOU CAN HAVE ANY KIND OF PARENTING DEBATE TODAY WITHOUT CONSIDERING THE CULTURAL DIFFERENCES. I'VE TALKED TO A LOT OF NEWLY IMMIGRATED PARENTS AND FIRST AND SECOND GENERATION PARENTS WHO SLEEPOVERS ARE A BIG NO-NO. THEY JUST WEREN'T A PART OF THEIR LIVES GROWING UP SO THEY DON'T SEE THE POINT. AND I HAVE AVENUE ALSO TALKED TO A LOT OF BLACK MOTHERS WHO DON'T FEEL COMFORTABLE SENDING THEIR KID TO ANYONE'S HOUSE WHO ISN'T A RELATIVE. LOTS OF PEOPLE FEEL THAT WAY ACTUALLY AND NO MATTER WHO YOU ARE OR WHAT YOUR BACKGROUND IS IT'S ALL ABOUT TRUST AND WHETHER IT'S WORTH THE RISK AND I WANT TO ADD THIS IS NOT A NEW DEBATE. IT'S BEEN GOING ON FOR GENERATIONS. IT'S JUST WITH SOCIAL MEDIA IT'S SO IN OUR FACE. >> IT'S OUT THERE AND, RACHEL, I WANT TO BRING YOU IN. ERICKA WAS TALKING ABOUT THAT TRUST AND PART OF THIS IS AS A PARENT, RIGHT, IF YOU HAND YOUR KIDS OVER TO SOMEONE ELSE, ANOTHER SET OF PARENTS, THE HOST FAMILY, SO TO SPEAK, HOW DO YOU APPROACH THE DISCUSSION ABOUT RULES AND WHAT'S OKAY AND WHAT'S NOT IN THE HOME? >> IT'S SUCH A GOOD QUESTION. SO WE HAVE TO KIND OF WALK A LINE, RIGHT? WE WANT TO BE GRATEFUL FOR THE HOSPITALITY THAT ANOTHER FAMILY IS OFFERING TO OUR KID. WE DON'T WANT TO BE OVERBEARING OR DEMANDING AND SO I THINK WE HAVE TO BE OKAY ABOUT COMMUNICATING OUR HOPES AND EXPECTATIONS BUT ALSO REALIZING IF YOU HAVE A HARD-AND-FAST RULE THAT YOU NEED A FAMILY TO ABIDE BY OR ENFORCE YOU GOT TO CHECK WITH THEM FIRST TO MAKE SURE IT'S OKAY WITH THEM. IF THEY'RE NOT COMFORTABLE ENFORCING IT IT MIGHT JUST NOT BE THE RIGHT TIME OR THE RIGHT FAMILY BUT WE DEFINITELY HAVE TO BALANCE THAT GRATITUDE WITH SHARING WHAT WE WANT. >> OUR RULE IS EVERYBODY IN BED BY 9:00 AND THAT DID NOT GO WELL